I love you enough for both of us (the email)

 

I meant to send this earlier today, but I kept on holding it back for no reason.
I didn’t know what to write then though, and I still don't now know.
It's just a note to believe in
And say that if we never be, ‘I loved, love and will love you enough for the both of us’.

Here it goes:

 

Why do I think of you every second of the day and
Why do you seem to pervade my thoughts even when I try desperately to keep you away occupying myself with work and
Why does my heart beat faintly then vigorously at the pleasant recollection of times spent together? And,

 

Why do I think the world of you when I have lost faith in every woman that I know irrespective of beauty or intellect and
Why do I need to think of you for the day to think well of myself and
Why do I even think of you at all so much? And,

 

Why do I, a professed love-cynic, seem to have such raging emotions towards you that I sometimes want to beat myself for and
Why am I sitting in front of this computer trying to think of what to write you
Whether my true emotions will be typed into this browser or
Whether I will say just enough to not give too much of me away to make me vulnerable to your effortless hold on me? And,

 

Why is my affection so deep and
Why do I crave you and want so much,
And yet want so little at the same time and
Why are words slipping my mind when I try to find the perfect sentence and
Why am I trying desperately to slow time to get the right letters to type to you now, knowing that I am not doing a good job? And,

 

Why do I want to impress you at all and
Why do I want to change selfish me to accommodate you and be less of who I am just to have more of you and
Why don’t I have any answers to the questions that I am asking? And,

 

Why has everything once so black and white, become so multi-coloured and
Why have you given love new meaning and
Why am I taking so freaking long to type what I feel when it can be uttered perfectly with one action and
Why is everything so crazy and
Why am I crazy about you? And,

 

Why am I scared of trying hard and
Why I, afraid to try want to, so selflessly, willingly and consciously even in the presence of all these fears and self-held principles and
Why a man who claims to live by principle has broken every idiosyncrasy to have a little of you? And,

 

Why do I crave more and can't have more and
Why do I need so much and yet still can’t show I do and
Why haven't my actions shown the full extent of my feelings and
Why do I feel what I feel in such short time? And,

 

Why in the first place did I start to talk to you about me without knowing anything about you or who you are, and
Why am I now so speechless most times or at a loss for words and
Why do I want to be around you all the time, but scared that that's going to make me too weak for you, and,

 

Why, why, why, why, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

 

Why,
With everything that I just said, I haven't said anything that my heart wants to say?
WHY???
Why do I, once devoid of affection, love you so much enough for us both?

 

Don't call, just reply to this email.